How to End The Sibling Fight of Who Goes First
A sign of a healthy culture is the ability to work as a team, communicate well, and get along. No matter whether your kids are toddlers or teens, deciding who goes first for almost EVERYTHING has the potential to be a disaster. These tricks have helped me end the sibling fight of who goes first.
A sign of a healthy culture is the ability to work as a team, communicate well, and get along.
No matter whether your kids are toddlers or teens, deciding who goes first for almost EVERYTHING has the potential to be a disaster. I don't know what's so special about being first, but it seems it's what most kids want to be.
I have seen my kids argue about being first to take a bath, talk at dinner, and even put sunscreen on at the pool. Not only that, they would argue over who gets to pick the music and who gets stuck sitting in the dreaded middle seat of the back seat. At first, birth order worked to decide who got to do things first, but as they got older, it didn't anymore.
My kids whined, "Mom, it's my turn; she got to do it last time." I'll have to be honest with you, I was horrible at keeping track, and I often let the child that happen to be on my good side that day get their way. The kids could see right through this, and eventually, keeping track in my head became too hard to maintain.
Then we found a solution!
We created a plan that would determine who got to go or choose first.
It is so simple but so brilliant! It immediately eliminated the bickering and little voices moaning, "Mom, she always gets to go first." It is a strategy that we could implement quickly, and it is so easy to maintain.
These tricks have helped me end the sibling fight of who goes first.
If you have two kids, Assign odd and even days of the calendar to each.
More than two? Assign each child a day of the week. My oldest daughter is first on Monday and Thursday. My middle girl on Tuesday and Friday. My son on Wednesday and Saturday. Sunday is the parent's choice. This order will help you designate who goes 2nd and 3rd too! For example, on a Monday, Ava gets to go first. Elie goes second, and Aaron goes third. Then on a Tuesday, Elie goes first, followed by Aaron later Ava.
More children? Have a straight rotation, and keep track of it on a calendar.
You can do one of these methods, or a combination of both. For example, we use the day of the week method for our children; however, my teen girls use odd and even days to determine who sits in the front seat of the car. (My son is too young to ride up front.)
Keep in mind, all days are not created equal. Weekdays are very different than weekend days, so you may need to change up the schedule now and then.
In the beginning, it is helpful to print out a calendar with assigned dates to remember which day is whose. But don't worry, it won't take long for the kids to know which day is theirs.
Just like with most systems that you put in place, it will take practice. But once it's in place, it will eliminate a considerable number of arguments that siblings have.
Watch this Family Hack on IGTV HERE
Download this Resource
You can do the steps I mentioned earlier on your own; however, If you need a little help getting started with this hack, you can download a resource have created that will help.
It includes a list of suggested chores for kids of all ages, plus an activity your kids can do to figure out what gets done and by whom. When you sign up for it, you'll get this plus access to all the previous family culture hacks videos and resources.
One Way To Get Your Chore System to Stick
I have tried a gazillion different ways to implement a chore system in our house that would stick until I did this.
I am a big fan of kids doing chores.
There are so many reasons for kids pitch in around the house. It enables them to develop life skills, it teaches them about responsibility and self-reliance, and it cultivates a strong work ethic.
But most of all I like about my kids doing chores around the house is that it lightens my workload.
Over the years, I've tried a gazillion different ways to implement a chore system that would stick. At first, I had the kids pick chores from a jar. This method worked for a while, but eventually, the kids started to complain that it wasn't fair because some of them would end up picking the same thing "all the time."
After that, I tried a chart system with different types of rewards, such as a small toy from a treasure chest, screen time, and even money. Again they worked for a little while, but they lost interest and I wasn't super consistent with maintaining this system because it was too much work.
Two things changed all this.
I decided that my kids doing chores was a non-negotiable. I went back to my why of chores. It was something that I thought was important, and I determined that I couldn't let the push back, the bickering, and the work it took to establish this practice deter me from making it happen.
I gave my kids the responsibility of creating the system we were going to use. Giving them ownership of the process was a game-changer. I sat down with my kids, and I gave them a list of chores that I wanted them to do. We talked about each task and why it was essential to do it. We talked about how and when it should get done, and I asked for feedback.
The final list that we came up included nine daily chores that were to be done throughout the day and after dinner, plus three more to do on Saturday mornings.
My kids were concerned about the grouping of chores, so they divided up which ones went together and then created a rotation.
The chores on this list weren't different from the ones I was already asking them to do. However, my kids' attitude shifted because I gave them a say in what we were doing, what it would look like, and what worked for them.
The magic was in giving them a say in the decision making process and power to implement the system they created.
Here's how you can find a chore system that sticks:
Make a list of the things that need to get done.
Brainstorm what it looks like to do that thing. Who does it? When should it take place? And what happens if someone doesn't do their part?
Group the chores together. Arrange them so that the workload is equal. For example, no one child should have all the undesirable duties in the same week.
Create a rotation. Based on the number of chores and children rotate who does what for a weekly rotation.
Write it down. Once you have written it down, post it somewhere you can all see it.
You can take these steps for any project where multiple family members and responsibilities are involved. It will give kids ownership of what you are doing together, which will ultimately help them become and stay engaged.
Giving my kids ownership in this process eliminated a lot of the bickering and complaining, but it didn't make them all of a sudden love chores.
Patience and consistency are vital to seeing long term success in this area.
Resist the urge to take things over because you can do it better and faster. The good habits your kids are creating by doing chores are more important than satisfying our short-term desires.
I explain it on IGTV HERE
Download this Resource
You can do the steps I mentioned earlier on your own; however, If you need a little help getting started with this hack, you can download a resource have created that will help.
It includes a list of suggested chores for kids of all ages, plus an activity your kids can do to figure out what gets done and by whom. When you sign up for it, you'll get this plus access to all the previous family culture hacks videos and resources.
A Creative Way to Encourage Your Family Members
Good leaders, including parents, should always be on the lookout for ways to encourage, affirm, recognize, and appreciate their people. Here’s a way to make it easy to encourage your family members even when life gets busy.
Encouragement is essential for members of an organization or a family to feel valued and seen.
Good leaders, including parents, should always be on the lookout for ways to encourage, affirm, recognize, and appreciate their people.
I believe encouragement matters, but I am always necessarily consistent with following through. I want to be, but my problem is I get busy. Plus, it's difficult for me to come up with compliments and encouragement on the fly. Some days I am good at it, while others I am not.
I can either settle for, 'Well, that's just the way I am." or I can find a way to make it easy for me to encourage and praise the people I love.
Going out of my way to serve my people in this way has the potential to feel like another thing on my to-do list; however, I have found a way to make it both easy and fun.
I prepare ahead of time. I write words of thanks and appreciation on sticky notes and leave them in random places for my people to read. It's a simple but powerful way to affirm and recognize my kids and husband for the ways they shine.
Try this trick and let me know how it works for you.
You'll need a pen and paper, a marker, and a stack of sticky notes.
Here’s how you can do it too:
Create a list. Write down about 25 encouraging phrases for the members of your family. These can be as simple as, "You are so talented!' or they can be more specific like, "I love the way you serve us! You always ask if I need a drink when you one for yourself."
Copy these phrases on to sticky notes. One sentence for each sheet. You can also doodle on them and add stickers if you'd like. Stack them back together, and now you're ready to give a compliment when the time is right. You can stick these in your kid's lunch, on the bathroom mirror, or on your spouse's nightstand.
Start over again. Once you run out of encouraging phrases, make another list, and do it again.
Your family members may not mention the notes they receive, but that's okay. Play it cool. When I first started putting notes in my kids' lunchboxes, I couldn't wait for them to come home to school to tell me how much they loved them. However, it took them weeks to even acknowledge them. They were reading them and being encouraged, and that's what matters.
If you do this, it won't take long before you see the atmosphere in your home change. By focusing on the positive and recognizing your family members on a regular, ongoing basis, you will help them feel build confidence in themselves in your relationship. They will eventually become more connected and engaged with you and with one another.
If you need a little help getting started with, you can download a FREE list of encouraging phrases for your family members here.
You'll get this list plus access to other family hacks videos and resources that will help you build your best family.