How to Maintain Your Family's Culture During Different Seasons of Life
It's not very long after becoming a parent that we realize that family life is always changing. We create systems, rhythms, and routines to make our lives run smoothly, and then before we know it, we transition into another stage of parenting.
Sometimes we see it coming, and other times we don't.
It doesn't matter why we find ourselves in this new season, what has worked in the past may not work anymore.
It can cause us to feel overwhelmed and doubt we'll ever get this parenting thing right. We often default to what is comfortable and easy just to get through the day, the week, or the month. As a result, we neglect the things that are really important to us.
As a family, we enjoy eating dinner together. We've done this since the kids were little, and we continue to do it now. However, there was a year when my kids competed on a swim team, and everything changed. Practice times were scheduled during our "dinner time," which meant three nights a week we found ourselves upended.
For a long time, I was stuck. I was frustrated, trying to figure out how to make it all work. We would skip dinner or eat on the go. I hated it. Plus, we found it incredibly challenging to connect with each other. I was angry and bitter that this commitment, something my kids genuinely loved, was disrupting our life.
I eventually realized that this was just a season. If I wanted to maintain family dinners, a critical part of our family culture, I'd have to do something different than we had done before.
I decided to change "dinner time." Who said it had to be at 5 o'clock anyway? We began to eat our big meal right after school and a healthy snack after practice.
You don't have to be a victim of the changing seasons of life.
You can navigate the ups and downs of family life by consistently taking time to rethink and re-imagine what it looks like to live out your values and beliefs and pursue your passions.
Your family culture will change during different seasons of your life. The WHY of your values and beliefs will stay the same, but how you live than out may not.
By making adjustments to the way you typically do things, you're taking a stand to say your values and your beliefs matter.
Otherwise, you're sending a message that says your values, beliefs, and passions are only worth doing only when it's easy.
Yes, there are some things that we need to let go of in a particular season so we can rest, recharge, or say yes to something else. We may experience a significant life change that puts areas of our life on hold. It happens.
However, if you simply stop doing something because it's not easy or convenient, you may find yourselves in the rut of just surviving, hoping that one day you will get back to what matters.
Here are a few things you can do to maintain your family's culture during different seasons of life.
Be flexible. Life always moves forward. And as much as we'd like to do what we've always done, we can't. However, when we are willing to adapt to the change in seasons, we will be able to enjoy the present and transition into the future well.
Revisit your culture frequently. Dedicate time to examine your culture. With your values as a guide, discuss what is working and what isn't. Ask yourself, "What changes do we need to make?" "What do we want to do more of?" "What can we do less of?" A great time to do this is in January (New Year) or in September (new school year).
When we do this, we use the Family Retreat Packet - It's like a 360 peer review… but for families. It takes the guesswork out of planning because it includes everything you need to host your own family retreats such as a Sample Itinerary, a Packing List and Activity Suggestions. You'll find it in the shop on our website.
We have consistently revisited and revised how we open up our home to others. When the kids were young, we hosted a lot of playdates, and it was easy to connect with others in our community. Now that the kids are older, we see people less and have become more intentional about inviting people over. Our kids and their friends have grown, and as a result, they eat more. So we've had to increase our grocery budget as well.
Anticipate change. Regularly think about what your future holds. Ask yourself, "What activities are we doing now?" "Will we still be doing 3 or 6 months from now?" and "What does that mean for us?" If you are getting a new job, consider how that may change your morning and evening routine. If your children are attending a new school, look at how that impacts drop off and pick up times. Also, consider whether or not this will change the amount of homework your child has. A great time to talk about these things is at your weekly or quarterly family meetings.
Need help starting your family meetings? Check out our Family Meeting Guide - It includes discussion ideas and sample agendas that will save you time. It's available as a free download.
Ask your kids for feedback. Make a date with your kids to find out what they think about how things are going in your home. Your children will have a unique perspective on what's working and what isn't. They may even have creative solutions to the problems you face.
Asking for feedback from your kids has the added benefit of showing them their opinions matter, which increases their sense of belonging. It reminds them that you are a part of something bigger than themselves.
If you have to change the way that you've been doing things for a while, it is 100%, not a failure. When you open and willing to "go with the flow" intentionally, you will be able to enjoy your present season and the future ones.
If you would like to navigate the ups and downs of family life while maintaining what's important to you, ask yourself this question:
What is coming up in the next few months or year that may change our family's rhythms and routines?
Talk with your family members about what's is and what isn't working for you. And make it fun!