Using Peer Reviews to Strengthen Family Connection and Improve Your Relationships
My husband works for a company that conducts peer reviews. Alongside his annual performance evaluation from supervisors, he also receives feedback from coworkers on his communication, collaboration, and leadership skills. It provides a well-rounded view of how he presents himself at work and is a valuable tool for growth.
It got me thinking: could something like this work in our home?
I was curious how our kids viewed us as parents. Were there needs we weren't meeting, not material ones, but things like affection, grace, or connection? Each child is uniquely wired, with their own personality and love language. Even when we think we're loving them well, they may experience it differently.
I also wondered how they viewed each other. Were they treating one another with kindness when we weren't watching? Were we truly living out our family's mission and values?
As someone who loves team-building and personal development, I got excited about the idea. But I knew these conversations wouldn't happen on their own. We'd need to create a space that felt safe, intentional, and focused—so I planned a family retreat.
How I Prepared
🔹 Created a family version of a 360 Peer Review
Each of us received a packet with questions about ourselves, our family as a whole, and each of our members.
🔹 Booked a nearby hotel
We found a Groupon deal for a two-night stay just 20 minutes from home. It had a pool and was near restaurants and shopping.
🔹 Packed the essentials plus:
Discussion sheets
Pens and pencils
A board game and playing cards
Swimsuits
Picnic blanket
Snacks and water bottles
What We Did
🔸 Blended discussions with fun activities and treats
We started with dinner and filled out one of the surveys. Back at the hotel, we swam and played a board game. The next morning, we tackled another round of questions and then went to a local park to share our answers. We kept mixing things up—games, snacks, more discussion, Frappuccinos, and mini golf.
Yes, there were a few squabbles, but overall, it was a blast. The kids were excited (mainly about the pool and hotel stay) and appreciated having our full attention.
What I'd Do Differently
🔸 Limit discussions to 30–45 minutes
I underestimated our kids' attention span. They were eager to fill out the surveys but lost focus during the conversations. We ended up switching to a "lightning round" format—reading a question and answering quickly—which helped keep energy high.
🔸 Research restaurants and activities ahead of time
While we eventually found good food and a park, we wasted time driving around. Planning would've made the weekend smoother—and allowed us to include an outdoor adventure from our summer bucket list.
🔸 Create and follow a schedule
I had a general plan, but not a timeline. Having a set schedule helped us stay on track and make time for everything. We got a late start on Day One and didn't get to all the conversations we'd hoped to have.
Next Steps
🔹 Organize the feedback
Most of what we heard didn't come as a surprise. The big themes? Less bickering, being on time, and more quality time together. We also got some insightful requests:
"Push me to manage my time better."
"Be more strict so I meet my goals."
"Tell me to practice more."
My husband and I are reviewing the responses and organizing them into actionable insights. We'll look for common threads, create a plan for areas of improvement, and double down on what's working.
🔹 Follow up
In six months, we'll check in with each child one-on-one. Are we making progress as a family? Are we showing up for them the way they asked us to? Are they growing in the character traits we discussed?
🔹 Save the date for the next retreat
We had a ton of fun, but more importantly, we created space for each person's voice to be heard. It didn't spark overnight transformation, but it planted seeds. Real change happens in small, steady steps. The key is to keep the conversation going.
Have you ever done a family retreat? Or found another creative way to guide your family toward its mission and vision? I'd love to hear what's worked for you.