How to Stress Less this Holiday Season

Thanksgiving and Christmas are quickly approaching. Most people I know either look forward to the season or dread it. Guess what? In the past, I have dreaded it.

That’s because I typically have high expectations for the season. I want to decorate my home in a way that’s Pinterest worthy, cook my favorite holiday meals, get all my shopping done early, plus make DIY Christmas gifts. I envision my family snuggling by the fire with hot chocolate, entertaining friends each weekend, and heading to NYC when possible.

I underestimated the amount of time I actually had to do all the things.

Instead of the holidays being a joyful time, they become stressed. Then, when my family doesn’t feel like decorating or complains about Advent devotions, I get discouraged. Apathy sets it; I lose momentum and then wallow in the disappointment that we didn’t do the things I imagined.

This awful cycle shaped our family’s culture.

I have discovered significance can be simple! I don’t have to overspend or overcommit to make lasting memories with my family.  Instead, I can leave behind unrealistic expectations, set boundaries, and be intentional with my time.

Thanks to a suggestion from my good friend Noelle, I decided to choose One Word that would narrow our family’s focus for the next six weeks. Instead of “going with the flow” this season we’ll embrace the activities that produce the holiday experience that’s right for us. (This is very similar to the practice of choosing One Word for the New Year.)

Having One Word helped us

• Get rid of unrealistic expectations

• Be intentional with my time.

• Not overspend or overcommit, but instead make lasting memories with my family.  

• Set boundaries

Once you decide what your One Word will be, you can use it as a lens to determine what it is that you'll do, where you'll go, what you eat, and even what music you're going to play, it will help us answer questions such as:

Will we…

• Host an intimate gathering or a party?

• Buy or make gifts?

• Stay close to home or take the train to New York City on the weekends?

• Visit family or invite them to our house?

• Cook favorite holiday recipes or experiment with new flavors?

• Listen to upbeat Christmas music or play traditional hymns?

Many of us will not be able to participate in the traditions we have in the past because of the restrictions put in place by the Covid pandemic. That means we may have to come up with alternative ways to celebrate and enjoy the next six weeks.

In the past, my husband and I have chosen in years past are JOLLY, JOY, PEACE. These are holiday-specific but your word doesn’t have to be. We are still working on this year’s word.

Here’s how to choose One Word for the holiday season:

List your current commitments and responsibilities. Don’t forget about the things you are already doing such as sports, music lessons, and church commitments that continue through November and December. Then add visiting family, travel, parties, volunteering, and birthdays. 

Reflect on the past year. What was the last holiday like? Look back and recognize what worked well and what didn't? Acknowledge how 2020 has impacted you as a family.

Anticipate what’s coming in 2021. What is happening next year? Do you foresee a major life transition or a big move? Are you starting a new business or will it be a slow first quarter? Since many of us are still restricted, it's good to consider what next year might hold if things go back to being somewhat normal but also to consider what if it doesn’t.

Consider what emotion, a feeling, or action will bridge the 2. There are a lot of words out there to choose from. (Don’t worry though. I’ve got you covered. In the One Word Worksheet, I’ve provided a word bank.) If you are having trouble, It’s ok to pick a handful of words, try a few on for size until you find a fit. 

Once you have chosen your One Word, ask ourselves, How can we approach our schedule, our activities, the atmosphere in our home in light of this word?

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Need some help deciding your One Word?

Download this free worksheet that will walk you through the process. In it, you’ll find a word bank, questions that will help you choose your One Word, and a calendar for planning your time well.

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I am no longer dreading the next six weeks, but instead, I’m excited about coming up with creative ways to live out our One Word. It will still be a busy time of year, but if I use my One Word as a filter, I can have confidence in what I say “Yes” to and what I say “No” to. I won’t have to worry that I am not doing enough or missing out. 

Our One Word for the holiday season will equip us to navigate the rest of November and December with success.  It will also help us to maintain the family culture we’ve established in our home.

I’d love to know what kind of experience do you want to create for your family this Holiday Season? Let's talk more about this on Instagram or in the Build Your Best Family Community group.

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of the Build Your Best Family podcast.

My One Word in the New Year 2017

2016 was a good year for me. I am slow in saying that because so much of what has happened in the world at large has been gut wrenching. I admit I don’t watch the news a lot for that very reason. My heart breaks over so many things that divide us. I may not be on the front lines of change but I’ve committed to love the people in my every day and teach my kids what it means to let go of pride and cultivate compassion for the sake of unity.

This past year has included huge personal growth for me. Through intention, I established a habit of Sabbath keeping, finished personal projects, and set boundaries on my time. I also have cultivated relationships I longed to have, completed a home renovation, and embraced the description of work at home mom.

Circles of Faith, the ministry I co-founded with Elise Daly Parker, hosted it’s first all day retreat and transformed from a community blog to a podcast. It was very exciting but there was a lot of letting go and pushing forward that took place.

These successes sound great but I wrestled with doubts and insecurities along the way. I fought for every inch of ground I took.

As I approach 2017, I am ready to be refreshed. As I prayed about the things I would like to be different this year the word RENEW came to me. I immediately thought of the scripture in Romans 12:2.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

My One Word for the New Year is a verb, RENEW.

·      RENEW my faith. I will get back to basics and put God’s Word in my heart through scripture meditation and memorization.

·      RENEW my marriage. I will shed those comfortable habits that prevent intimacy.

·      RENEW my purpose. Whether I write a blog post, tuck my kids into bed at night, drive carpool, host our small group, or produce a podcast, I will do it well and stay focused on my why.

·      RENEW my Sabbath practice. I will prepare for those days and fiercely guard the sacredness of them.

There are a few important projects I am working on this year. However, I want to see renewal in the areas mentioned above more than I want to achieve any one specific goal. I truly believe that if I let my One Word guide me it will help me achieve my goals. The One Word itself does not hold power but the small consistent practices I have associated with it do. 

I am excited for what the New Year holds.  

I am curious to know, do you have a One Word for the New Year or do make resolutions or set goals? I’d love to hear what about your hopes for 2017.