It's Never to Late to Take Control of Your Family's Culture
Hands down the ideal time to start imagining, building, and creating your family's culture is when you first start your family. Then as time passes and you go through different seasons of life, it's crucial to revisit your values, beliefs, and practices that you have in your home.
It's terrific to start building your family's culture early, but what if you haven't?
We have older kids, and so do many of our friends. When we talk with them about their family and making changes, they often say, "I wish I knew about culture earlier, it's too late now." or "There's not much we can do now, our kids already in middle school (or high school)."
It doesn't matter what stage you are are in your family. You can begin to imagine, plan, and build your best family right now!
There are benefits to building your family culture when your kids are older.
You can include them in the conversation. Kids are smarter than you think, and they get culture. Try naming a few family friends and ask the kids what comes to mind when you think of them. They will be able to tell you immediately. Follow up with the question, "What do you want our family to be known for?" They will often bring creative ideas to the table, things you'd never think of.
Feedback from them on what's working and what's not working. Kids have the uncanny ability to be brutally honest. If they feel that their thoughts and opinions are valued, they will tell you like it is. An outside perspective will give you incredible insight into what is worth keeping in your every day and what you should get rid of.
We do this at our weekly Family Meeting each week - Once a week, we get together to discuss our family's schedule and let each other what is going on in our world. (Our Family Meeting Guide, which included discussion ideas and sample agendas is available as a free download HERE.)
So if you're tempted to say it's too late to take control of your family's culture, think again!
Older children are an incredible asset in building your family's culture.
Creating change when some in the family are set in their ways may be difficult at first. However, ask yourself, Why am I doing this? What is the value that this satisfies? Is this discomfort worth the result? The answer is likely, yes!
Culture building is not a one and done deal.
Even if you started earlier, you'd still have to revisit the values, beliefs, and practices that you have in your home. Do they still hold true? Do I need to make adjustments to navigate the different seasons of life? Is what I am doing still working?
Here are a few easy steps to help you take control of your family's culture:
Assess your current reality. What is it that you enjoy or are already doing well? Lean into that. Does your family like to play games together? Do you enjoy camping and hiking together? Does volunteering bring your family closer together? Do more of it and invite friends to join you. Also, figure out what you don't love and do less of it, or stop doing it altogether.
Imagine your future. What's one or two new things that you would like to see show up in your family? This could be a values practice or a cultural practice.
You don't have to go crazy, reimagining your family life. Implementing one thing through small, consistent steps has a more significant impact than trying to do a gazillion things at once.
Reinforce your values. Be on the lookout for something your child or spouse does that aligns with your family values. Let them know you see it and you appreciate it.
For example: To reinforce the value of excellence, you could say, "Wow, you did a great job with that, thanks for taking care of that so quickly." OR if you want to start being on time, you could say, "It's so nice to be on time, isn't it?"
And, when you do the things you enjoy, talk about why they are so fun and what you love about them.
For example: After we travel, we talk about our favorite moments, what we would have done differently, and what we want to do next. It keeps us excited about what we shared but also allows us to imagine what we'll do together in the future.
What you pay attention to and acknowledge will grow.
Start making your family decisions based on what matters to you. It’s so much easier to make decisions when you predetermine what's important to you. Ask yourself, “Does this choice line up with our family values and what we want to build together?”
If you feel overwhelmed, take a moment, close your eyes, and imagine what your life will be like one year from now if you start making changes today. Let that motivate you to take your first small step!
When you start making changes, no matter how small, you may be tempted to give up if you don’t see progress right away. Don’t do it. Be patient with the process.
An easy way to get started is to download the Family Culture Discussion sheet. In less than 30 minutes, you able to clarify what you want your family to be known for.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading?
No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project podcast >> It’s Never Too Late to Build Your Family’s Culture. Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.