How to Motivate your Family Members
Teaching children to be obedient is essential; however, when it comes to building a healthy culture, the goal is not perfect behavior. It's creating a team with shared values and beliefs, people that work together toward a joint mission and purpose.
We all want kids who do what we tell them to do, right?
When my kids listen, I feel like a great parent. But the opposite is also true. When my kids don't listen, I feel like I suck as a parent and wonder what I did wrong. If I am not careful, my response will be to brainstorm strategies and consequences to get my kids to act the way I want them to. These tactics may work, but alone they are not a long term solution.
I want you to know upfront, this post is not about dismissing the systems you have in place to teach and correct your children. It is about how to motivate, not manipulate, your family members to embrace who we are as a family and the responsibilities that come along with it.
There are a lot of things that I want my kids to do, not because I force them to do it. Yes, when kids are young, we do make them do things, such as clean up their toys and brush their teeth. But as they get older, I want them to do these things on their own, without me prompting them to do it.
I want them to take care of their belongings, maintain their hygiene, show respect to others, and participate in family events. The list goes on.
I am so tired of being a taskmaster. I don't want to control my kids; instead, I want to motivate my kids to do things, to participate in what we are building together.
So what does it mean to motivate the people in our family?
According to the dictionary, motivate means to stimulate (someone's) interest in or enthusiasm for doing something.
A leader's definition of motivating is the art of leading someone to do what you want them to do because they want to do it.
When we motivate, rather than manipulate, our family members to do what is required to make a home and family work well we:
Foster loyalty.
Establish habits that will last.
Avoid anger and resentment.
The art of motivation can be applied not only to our kids but our spouses too!
Motivation is very, very different from manipulation.
Motivation cares about the work and the person. Manipulation only cares about the work.
Motivation empowers people. Manipulation controls people.
Here are 3 dos and 3 don'ts for how to motivate your people in a way that lasts.
Don't:
Use fear and threats. Fear can be a good motivator in the short term, but it's difficult for anyone to be successful when fear drives them. Constant fear creates an unhealthy environment in the home.
Be passive-aggressive. It's a form of manipulation, and it keeps people guessing. For example: When you finally get some face time with your teenager, don't say. "It's so nice of you to grace us with your presence." Instead, say." I love spending time with you. I'd like to do it more often."
Avoid handing out candy and promises. In the workplace, money is essential, but studies show it's not the biggest motivator and retainer of employees. It's relationships and empowerment. This principle is true not only in business but in families, as well. Rewards often play a role in many situations, but relying on them for motivation isn't a good long-term strategy.
Do:
Create a culture of appreciation. Show appreciation more than you think you should. Brag on people. Celebrate what's right. Notice when they are doing something good! What you give attention to grows! One of the biggest reasons people leave an organization is that they don't feel appreciated. Be creative in how you encourage! (LINK)
Model motivation. You inspire others more by your example than your words. Kids are smart. They hear your words, but they also see your actions. When your excited, consistent, and engaged in what you are doing, they notice! The people around you will rise to your level of passion. That means that you will have to work on motivating yourself.
Share the WHY. When we understand the WHY, it is easy to "get with the program". Take the time to share what you are doing and why. There are going to be times when your kids will need to do things just because you said so. However, more often than not, a few extra moments of explanation go a long way.
As you shift from controlling to motivating, you will still need to discipline.
It is actually demotivating when, as a parent, we consistently accept unacceptable performance. We lose the respect of our people if we don't address problems, poor behavior, or disobedience. As I mentioned earlier, kids see everything you do, and you can't easily foole them.
If something is not important enough for you to enforce and maintain, why should your kids care about it?
Want to start motivating your family members today? Ask yourself these questions.
On a scale of 1-10, how good are you at showing appreciating?
What can you do daily to stay motivated and excited about your responsibilities and your family's mission?
Prefer listening?
Check out The Family Culture Project podcast here >> How to Motivate your Family Members
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