How to Turn Your Family Values into Daily Habits That Stick

Years ago, my husband and I created a family mission statement. We carefully chose words, wrote them in beautiful fonts on a chalkboard, and hung them proudly in our foyer. After hours of soul-searching and honest conversations, we felt empowered, focused, and excited about what the future held for our family.

But then life got busy.

We slipped into old patterns, making convenient decisions and defaulting to habits that didn't reflect what we said we believed. Our values were hanging on the wall, but they weren't showing up in our daily lives.

When Values and Actions Don't Match

Here's the thing: if your values and behaviors don't align, it shows.

Family members and outsiders will notice if your values and behaviors don't align. It will be clear you don't practice what you preach. 

You may say you value excellence, generosity, or integrity, but the words lose meaning if those values aren't visible in your actions.

This isn't surprising. Everything I've learned about building a healthy culture, whether in an organization or a family, points to one truth: knowing your values is not enough. Until you translate those values into habits, you'll continue operating out of what's familiar and easy.

Values like creativity, faith, or efficiency are abstract nouns unless intentionally brought to life.

So What Does It Mean to "Live Your Values"?

Here's how I think about it:

When you create practices around your values, they come to life. They become:

• Actionable – You know what to do.

• Repeatable – You can do it consistently.

• Observable – Others can see it happening.

• Measurable – You can tell if you're living it out.

Let's make it real with an example.

Here's an example:

Generosity is one of our family's top five values. To make that word actionable, we defined it with clear behaviors. We used verbs to guide our choices.

Here are a few examples:

• Live within our means. We don't spend more than we earn.

• Budget to give. We intentionally give 15% of our income. 10% to our church and 5% to other causes (like school drives, local needs, or global missions).

• Cook or purchase meals for people who've had a baby, experienced loss, or are facing hardship.

• Open our home. We host meetings or gatherings to build community and offer hospitality.

We can teach, coach, measure, and celebrate these behaviors with our kids.

How to Bring Your Values to Life

Here's how you can get started:

1. Choose a Value – Pick one of your top 3–5 family or personal values.

2. Define It in Action – Write 3–5 specific statements that describe what that value looks like in your life.

3. Use Verbs – Focus on the doing. Use phrases like:

   • "Practice…"

   • "Be fanatical about…"

   • "Always assume…"

4. Write It Down – Post it somewhere visible. Revisit and refine it regularly.

5. Teach and Celebrate It – Make these values part of your family's rhythm, especially with children.

A Living Culture Takes Time

Living out your values isn't a one-and-done activity. It's a process, a practice, a lifestyle.

And it changes with the seasons.

What excellence or hospitality looks like when your kids are toddlers will be different when they're teenagers, or when you're empty nesters. The value may stay the same, but its expression should evolve with your life stage.

So give yourself grace. You're building something lasting.

Creating a mission statement is a great first step. But the real transformation comes when you move from words on the wall to habits in your home.

When you translate your values into visible, repeatable behaviors, you're not just living with intention but building a lasting culture.

And your family will feel it.

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.

How to Identify Your Values and Improve Your Life

Naming your non-negotiables is a powerful first step toward living an intentional and fulfilling life.

In a previous post, I mentioned:

"It takes practice to make your non-negotiables a part of your every day, but it is worth the effort—especially when they are rooted in your values."

At first, you might assume you need to identify your core values before defining your non-negotiables, but I believe the opposite is true. Your non-negotiables naturally reflect your values. It’s often easier to recognize what fulfills you at the end of the day or what leaves you unsettled when ignored.

Why Identifying Your Core Values Matters

Your values are the foundation of how you live and work. They shape your decisions, priorities, and relationships. When your actions align with your values, you experience a sense of purpose, fulfillment, and inner peace. However, when there’s a disconnect, you may feel frustrated, unfulfilled, or uncertain about your direction.

You might wonder:

“If my values are already influencing my life, why should I bother identifying them?”

The answer is clarity and intentionality. When you clearly define your values, you can:

• Make confident decisions without second-guessing yourself

• Set meaningful goals that align with your true priorities

• Strengthen your personal and professional relationships

• Create a sense of stability, even in challenging times

A Simple Process to Identify Your Core Values

If identifying your core values feels overwhelming, don’t worry—you’re not alone. When my coach first asked to list mine, I put off the exercise, fearing I’d get it "wrong." But once I pushed through, the results affirmed what I already knew deep down.

Here’s a simple process to help you uncover your core values:

1. Reflect on What Brings You Fulfillment

• Think about moments when you’ve felt the most satisfied and fulfilled.

• Identify common themes in both your personal and professional life.

• Ask yourself: What characteristics are present when I’m having my best day?

2. Identify Key Values

• Search for a list of common values online or brainstorm your own.

• Highlight the words that resonate most with you.

• Remember, all values are meaningful, but you’re looking for the ones that define you the most.

3. Gain Outside Perspective

• Ask your spouse, close friends, or colleagues what values they believe you embody.

• Be open to their feedback—it can provide insights you might overlook.

• Use their input to refine and validate your list.

4. Narrow It Down

• Select your top 5-7 values.

• If you’re struggling, rate each one on a scale of 1-10 based on its importance.

• If two values rank the same, ask yourself: If I could satisfy only one, which would I choose?

Your Next Step

Now that you’ve identified your core values integrate them into your daily life. Use them to guide decision-making, goal-setting, and even setting boundaries. The more you align your life with your values, the more purpose and satisfaction you’ll experience.

Many of life's decisions are determined by what you value most.

For example, how you use your time, the job you take, and how you raise your family are based on your values. When you identify your values and intentionally make them a part of your life, you will feel confident that your life is not a result of “going with the flow.” It's essential and comforting to rely on your values and use them as a guiding force to point you in the right direction.

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to listen to this episode of The Family Culture Project. Ep. 6 What are Values, and Why are They Important? (Now the Build Your Best Family podcast.)

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Feeling Overwhelmed? Don't worry! 

I have created a Core Values Kit that will walk you through the process. You can download it for FREE.