Letting Go of Being the Perfect Mom

I sat in church, watching other women smile up at the pastor. It was Mother's Day, and he spoke about the role of mothers and our influence in the home. As heads nodded in agreement, I fought back tears.

My kids were four, six, and eight. I was exhausted. I doubted my worth, questioned my purpose, and feared our family's direction.

Most days, I lived on edge. I lacked the gentleness I knew was essential for building healthy relationships with my kids. I lost my temper quickly and then berated myself for it. I held myself to impossible standards and failed to meet them. Every morning, I'd wake up hoping this would be the day I got it right.

"God," I cried, "how do I change? I need Your direction!"

I asked, "What's at the root of all this discouragement, frustration, and impatience?"

What came to mind surprised me.

I remembered visiting a college friend years earlier. I'd wake up each morning to find his mother out of bed, dressed, with breakfast ready and laundry started. Wow!  She was nothing like my mom. I want to be like her, I thought.

Without realizing it, I made a vow. I decided that was the kind of mother I should be. But here's the problem with vows, either positive or negative: they shut God out of the picture and keep us from becoming who He uniquely created us to be.

God gently showed me that I was still carrying resentment from my high school years. Each day, I'd shower, eat, and leave for school before my parents woke up. They weren't neglectful; they didn't need to be up as early, so they "slept in." 

Fast forward to becoming a mom, and I unknowingly idolized a version of motherhood that wasn't mine to live in, at least not in that season of my motherhood. 

I let my performance define my worth. If I woke early, prayed, read my Bible, got dressed, and made breakfast before the kids were up, I felt great. If I was patient and kind, I gave myself an A+. But when I fell short? I felt worthless and was frustrated and impatient with everyone around me. 

What about you? Does this sound familiar?

Dear Lord, I acknowledge that I've created unrealistic expectations that didn't come from You. I repent of the bitterness and comparisons I've held onto.  Forgive me for comparing them to other people's parents. Forgive me for idolizing a version of motherhood that wasn't meant for me. Speak truth to my heart and show me the kind of mother You've uniquely designed me to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Motherhood will look different for each of us. Our families have different needs, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach.

I'm grateful God showed me the stronghold that negatively impacted me and my family. Releasing that and letting go freed me to become the mom my family needed.

If you struggle with perfectionism, I invite you to step off that exhausting treadmill. Today, just be you. Let God bring out the mother He designed in you—one full of grace, purpose, and love.