Establishing a Culture of Faith in Your Home
Culture, no matter what values and beliefs its rooted in, is not a list of dos and don'ts. But instead, the essence of how a family relates to one another, works together, and achieves goals. Through small consistent steps over time, you can establish a culture of faith in your home that will grow your faith and the faith of your family.
I grew up going to church. My family attended service every week and occasionally I’d go to youth group. Our relationship with God extended past Sundays, and throughout the week my mom would incorporate prayer, Bible reading, and listening to worship music into our daily routine. Our conversations, whether about our day, finances, politics, or community, often included nuggets of truth from God’s Word.
Without knowing it, my parents created a culture in our home where our faith could grow.
We were far from the perfect Christian family. We had our shares of ups and downs, accompanied by sin, doubt, and ultimately redemption. I had front row seat to the miracles God performed but also to the mess of flawed individuals living together in a broken world.
As a high school and college student, there were times when I was tempted to leave the whole faith thing behind and do life my way. But there was something that held me back. I believe that it was not only the love of my Heavenly Father but the culture of faith in my home
Culture, no matter what values and beliefs its rooted in, is not a list of dos and don'ts. But instead, the essence of how a family relates to one another, works together, and achieves goals.
A strong family culture exists when you determine and walk out the values, beliefs, and customs or traditions you want to share with one another.
Through small consistent steps over time, you can create a culture of faith in your home that will grow your faith and the faith of your family.
Here are few steps help you establish a culture of faith in your home:
Name it - Decide what you believe and what are the main principles you are passionate about passing down to your children. These are similar to your top five core values. Brand it - Make it exciting by putting words around what you believe. Create a mantra, mission statement, or manifesto.
Model it - Intentionally put action around what you believe.
Teach it - Teach it again and again. Culture continually putting words around what you believe. Talk repeatedly about what you believe and why it is meaningful to you.
Systematize it - Create habits and behaviors that align with your beliefs. Evaluate them often and refine as needed.
Celebrate it - Acknowledge the success each of you has, big or small, that is a result of the actions you’ve taken.
You can apply these steps to any value you want to incorporate into your life.
Just like my family, yours will not be perfect because you’ve followed these steps. However, over time you will create an environment in your home that allows your family’s faith to grow, which will ultimately anchor them to what matters to the most to you.
Building Family Culture Rituals, and Traditions, and Rites of Passage
Culture whether in an organization or family is made up of automatic, repetitive habits, and emotional responses. One of the most common ways an organization does that is through rituals. Here’s why rituals. traditions, and rites of passage are, whey they are important, and what yo consider when created your own.
Culture whether in an organization or family is made up of automatic, repetitive habits, and emotional responses. One of the most common ways an organization does that is through rituals.
And just like in an organization, culture is not created by a one-off team-building exercise and a good orientation day, but in the rituals, and traditions, and rites of passage that are practiced by its people.
These are special things that you do together, and they have special meaning for you.
What are rituals?
A ritual is a sequence of activities that involve gestures, and words performed in a set sequence. Do it regularly. Monthly is great; weekly is even better. By definition, a ritual is done often
The difference between a routine and a ritual is not necessarily the action, but the attitude behind it. For example, a routine is getting up every morning, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed, and going to work. These things are important, but they are also things that NEED to get done so we do it.
However, rituals are seen as more meaningful practices. Often, there is symbolism involved, and they have a sense of purpose. For example, the special morning kisses or crazy handshakes you give your kids before they leave for school or the words of blessing you speak over your little ones when you tuck them into bed at night.
What is a tradition?
When a ritual has been handed down from your grandparents or other relatives, they become traditions. Regardless of whether they are passed down or you start them on their own, they say, ‘This is who we are and what we value.” We see this in the Jewish tradition of lighting candles on Friday evening before sunset to usher in the Sabbath. We often see this in the way we celebrate holidays.
What is a rite of passage?
A rite of passage can be a tradition, or they can stand alone. It’s a ceremony or event marking a new stage in someone's life, especially birth, puberty, marriage, and death. Typical examples are First Communion which is a ceremony in some Christian traditions during which a person first receives the Eucharist. Or a Bar Mitzvah which is a ceremony for a Jewish boy who has reached the age of 13 and is now able to observe religious precepts and eligible to take part in public worship. It doesn't have to be religious. It could be a celebration on midnight of a 21st Birthday.
Rituals, and traditions, and rites of passage are important because:
They give us a sense of shared identity and belonging when they impart family values and beliefs as well as teach cultural and religious heritage.
They help us navigate change by providing comfort and security. Through a family move or change or times of tradition, they give us something we can count on.
They organize our world and give us a sense of structure.
They teach us practical skills.
They also give people something to look forward to and something to reminisce about, which has been linked to boosting happiness levels.
Rituals are potent drivers of culture in organizations as well as families. While some of them may be created naturally, they can be thoughtfully designed and nurtured to reinforce your family’s values.
Here are some things to consider as you create your own rituals, and traditions, and rites of passage.
Start with your WHY. Designing a ritual that will sustain over time requires that it lines up with your values and beliefs. That’s why this first one is so important…What is it you are trying to achieve? What family values are you trying to satisfy or reinforce in your family?
Who is this for? Is this for individual family members or the family as a whole?
What does it look like? Generate a list of 3-4 things and figure out which one works best considering your schedule, age of your children, or budget in this season.
How often and how long?
Who is responsible for it?
Also, consider, is there something you are already doing that works? Can systemize so that it becomes a regular thing? You may be surprised at what you come up with!
Rituals, and traditions, and rites of passage do not need to be costly or time-consuming. The most important aspect is that they are consistent. Be sure to revisit them from time to time as seasons change, so you aren’t just doing them, “...because we have always done it that way.”
Would you like some help designing rituals, and traditions, and rites of passage for your family?
Download this worksheet that will walk you through your family’s discussion.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem!
Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project. Carl and I share a few of our family’s rituals, and traditions, and rites of passage on the podcast.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
Building Family Culture Through Routines, Rhythms, And Habits
Just like in an organization, culture is not created by a one-off team-building exercise and a good orientation day, but in the routines, rhythms, and habits that are practiced by its people. Small steps over time. Here are a few things that you can do to start creating routines, rhythms, and habits that matter.
January is the time of the year when most of us start thinking about change and a fresh start. Each year I take a look at where I have been and start dreaming about where I would like to go in my business, personal life, and family.
Some years I’ve been better than others when it comes to achieving my goals. Through all the ups and downs of goal setting, I’ve discovered that focusing on the routines, rhythms, and habits is the best way to make changes that last, especially in your family.
Just like in an organization, culture is not created by a one-off team-building exercise and a good orientation day, but in the routines, rhythms, and habits that are practiced by its people. Small steps over time.
Your family culture is a product of your routines and rhythms in our home.
What is a routine?
Routines are the things that you do on a regular basis. They are a flexible form of time management that will move you towards the life you want and will help you meet your goals. I guarantee that you have routines and rhythms that are working for you and yes, even against you.
Over time the routines and rhythms we have will become habits.
Why are routines, rhythms, and habits important?
Family life runs smoother when routines and rhythms are in place. The sometimes dreaded morning routine comes to mind. When it’s haphazard, when we get up at different times, only have our lunch pre-packed occasionally, and aren’t sure when breakfast is we’re miserable and rarely on time. However when we know what to expect and when there’s less commotion and arguing, and we are mentally prepared for the day.
Routines also let your children know what’s important to your family. You can say something is meaningful, but if it doesn't show up in your schedule or done on purpose, it’s a clear sign that it isn’t. Kids and other people can see right through that.
Routines and rhythms give family members a sense of belonging. Our actions often affect others, especially those we live with. When our routines are interconnected, we gain a greater understanding of this and reaffirms the part we play in our family.
Here are a few things that you can do to start creating routines, rhythms, and habits that matter.
Get clarity. It’s important to know why you are you doing this. It will give you the motivation you need to get started. And when you are discouraged, you can keep referring back to why what you do matters. It will continue to propel you forward even when it’s not easy. Try imagining what it will be like once these routines, rhythms, or habit is apart of your life. What will it change, how will you act? How will it feel?
Attach it to something you are already doing. For example on the card ride to school, I have the kids take turns reading our Read it Pray it cards. Honestly, we weren't getting to them any other way, but now they are a part of our every day… at least Monday through Friday.
Remind yourself. Use technology and set a reminder on your phone or digital calendar. Or write it down as a daily, weekly, or monthly commitment in your planner or Powersheets.
Enlist a buddy. - Find a family member or friend who is working on the same thing and hold each other accountable. What about your spouse or children? My kids love when I ask them to make sure I do something.
Start simple. Don’t try to start too many routines, rhythms, and habits all at once. Choose to implement or change one or two new things at a time. This also applies to the amount of your new practice. For example walking 10 minutes a day is better than trying to do 30 every day, not being able to do it and then getting discouraged.
Identify what’s already in place and do it better. I naturally had a rhythm of slowing some on Friday afternoons. When I decided that I wanted to incorporate a Sabbath practice into my week intentionally, I tried a bunch of different days until I realized Friday was perfect for it.
Make it accessible and or visible. Do you want to drink more water put a jug out on the counter every day? Would you like to read a devotional with your kids in the morning? Set the table for breakfast with plates, flatware, napkins, glasses, and your favorite kid’s devotional.
You don’t have to wait until a New Year of even Monday to start making small changes that will change your life or your family culture. Today is the days to start!
You don’t even have to design a big campaign to kick start change… start now. Imagine the life you want and figure out the small steps consistent steps to get you there.
Additional Note:
Creating new habits can be hard. But if we understand how we are wired, it becomes much easier. Gretchen Rubin's book Better Than Before helped me figure out my tendencies, and now everything makes sense.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No Problem!
Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project. Carl and I share a few of our family’s routines, rhythms, and habits how we got them to work for us on the podcast.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
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Top Posts and Podcasts of 2018
I love year end reflections and recaps, and today I’m sharing ones particular to my blog and the podcast. The 5 most popular posts on family culture this year determined by pure numbers are listed here. Others on the "Most Popular" list that make me smile and shake my head. I’m always surprised to see what makes the list, and what doesn’t but I am sharing them anyway. I hope you enjoy perusing these Top 10.
I love year end reflections and recaps, and today I’m sharing ones particular to my blog and the podcast.
The 5 most popular posts on family culture this year determined by pure numbers:
Others on the "Most Popular" list that make me smile and shake my head:
I’m always surprised to see what makes the list, and what doesn’t but I am sharing them anyway. I hope you enjoy perusing these Top 10
Top 5 Podcast Episodes from 2018
Episode 26 Allie Casazza and How Simplicity Makes Room For a Strong Family Culture There are days when I feel like more of a manager than a mom. I spend a lot of my time coordinating schedules and putting away the stuff we have accumulated in our home. Yes, I can be grateful for the all that we have been giving to take care of but it’s all too easy for those things suck up the time, resources, and energy that are vital to intentionally build culture in my home.
Episode 31 Rorke Denver and What a Navy SEAL Can Teach us About Family Culture A strong intentionally created culture is a game changer in organizations, ministry, and home. It can determine whether you fail or succeed, achieve your goals or miss the mark. In the military it’s the difference between life and death. If you are not convinced that culture matters, this episode with persuade you otherwise.
Episode 01 What is Culture and What it Has to Do With Families This podcast is for families at every age that just want a purposeful way to instill their values and beliefs into their family
Episode 16 How a Family Retreat Will Benefit Your Family Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions, such as promotions, pay raises, and layoffs. We used the same format with our children and incorporated it into our yearly retreat. to answer questions like, “Is there something our kids need from us that we are not providing? When I am not around, are my kids treating each other well? Does their behavior reflect our family’s mission or values?
Episode 25 Becky Kiser and The Secret to Making Your Holidays More Meaningful The way we celebrate the holidays shapes our family culture. The traditions and customs around Birthdays, Easter, Thanksgiving, and yes even Valentine’s Day creates experiences in our home that are remembered by our children years after they leave our home. So if you are looking to approach the holidays with peace and purpose rather than frenzy and overwhelm you’ll want to listen to this week’s episode.
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Helping our Teens Discover their Passions
uAs my daughter approaches adulthood, I encourage her to pray about her future and ask God to show her the dreams and passions He has placed in her heart. I am over at Faith Gateway sharing questions we can ask our teens to help them discover the passions they’ll purse as they become adults.
“Where do you want to go to college?”
“What do you want to do when you graduate?”
These are the questions friends and family are starting to ask my daughter.
I often ask her those same questions, plus…
“If you go to college, do you want to stay close to home or go far away?”
“Do you want to go to a small or big school, one in a city or suburbia?”
She doesn’t have the slightest idea; I’m not surprised because she’s only 15!
Even though I want to have this all figured out now, I’ve committed to telling my daughter that no matter what she does in life, or where she attends college, it will all work out. She need not worry, because God has a plan for her future that is “immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” As she approaches adulthood, I encourage her to pray about her future and ask God to show her the dreams and passions He has placed in her heart.
I am over at Faith Gateway sharing alternative questions we can ask our teens to help them discover the passions they’ll pursue as they become adults. READ MORE…
How to Persevere and Overcome Fear with Faith
Every time he lost I had to hold myself back from running up to my son to hug and kiss the crushing disappointment away. Despite my experience with the sport, it was hard to see my son struggle with so much emotion. I wanted to make it easy for him. I wanted to rescue him.
Thankfully I didn’t. Because it became the season that he learned how to perseverance and overcome his fear with faith.
My son walked off the wrestling mat with tears in his eyes and said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”
He was so excited when the season started; however, it didn’t take long for him to become discouraged. The practices were great, his teammates and coaches affirming and fun to be around. However, he was getting his behind kicked when he competed against other teams. Match after match my son tried not to cry as the referees declared his opponent the winner.
Every time he lost I had to hold myself back from running up to my son to hug and kiss the crushing disappointment away. Despite my experience with the sport, it was hard to see my son struggle with so much emotion. I wanted to make it easy for him. I wanted to rescue him.
Thankfully I didn’t. Because it became the season that he learned how to perseverance and overcome his fear with faith.
You can READ MORE about it over at Faith Gateway.
On Embracing Your Uniqueness
Growing up I felt like I didn’t fit in.
I was athletic enough to be on the team but not good enough to play in the games. I was friends at school with the popular kids but never invited to hang out with them after school was out. I wanted to play sports with the boys on my block while my friends just wanted to sit around and talk about them. I was smart and got good grades but took art instead of math, typing, and business like my friends.
It hasn’t entirely changed now that I am older. For years I indulged in a pity party but now I am doing things differently. Join me over at Faith Gateway to READ MORE.
Growing up I felt like I didn’t fit in.
I was athletic enough to be on the team but not good enough to play in the games. I was friends at school with the popular kids but never invited to hang out with them after school was out. I wanted to play sports with the boys on my block while my friends just wanted to sit around and talk about them. I was smart and got good grades but took art instead of math, typing, and business like my friends.
It hasn’t entirely changed now that I am older. For years I indulged in a pity party but now I am doing things differently. Join me over at Faith Gateway to READ MORE.
The Secret to Making Your Holidays More Meaningful with Becky Kiser and Sacred Holidays
The holidays don’t have to be stressful! Your family can celebrate them with thoughtfulness and intention! This new book from Becky Kiser called Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus is a game changer for me.
The holidays don’t have to be stressful! Your family can celebrate them with thoughtfulness and intention! << Click to Tweet
This new book from Becky Kiser called Sacred Holidays: Less Chaos, More Jesus is a game changer for me. I really do love the holidays, all of them. However I typically get stuck in the ugly cycle of being too busy, not preparing for the holiday, making a mad dash to save the day, and then feeling crummy because it didn’t meet my expectation. It’s the worst when Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, or my child’s birthday did not match the picture I have in my head of what it SHOULD be. Yikes!
I want 2019 to be the year I break out of that cycle. This doesn’t mean that every holiday form here on out will be perfect but that they would be approached with intention and on purpose.
What I love about Becky’s book is that she make it easy to achieve that. It’s part soul encouraging and part resource that walks you through the steps you can take to simplify and bring meaning back to your holiday experience.
She touches on what to consider when planning and decorating for each holiday, how to manage friends and family who do things differently than you, and why grace matters in the process of figuring our what works for you and your family.
I had the pleasure of speaking with Becky on The Family Culture Project Podcast about her new book and how we approach our holidays with intention. Check it out!
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links.
Pumpkin Spice and a Little Bear That’s Nice
To celebrate the cooler temperature and the turning color of leaves, I offer you not another product laced with pumpkin spice but a few but interesting facts about the fruit, yes fruit, that is causing such a stir.
To celebrate the cooler temperature and the turning color of leaves, I offer you not another product laced with pumpkin spice but a few but interesting facts about the fruit, yes fruit, that is causing such a stir.
Join me over at FaithGateway for pumpkins facts you and your kids will love!
The Benefits of a Family Meeting and How You Can Host Your Own
Within a workplace or an organization, regular team meetings are a given. They keep people informed, help them achieve goals and ensure everyone is on the right track. Weekly meetings within a family can do the same.
Within a workplace or an organization, regular team meetings are a given. They keep people informed, help them achieve goals and ensure everyone is on the right track. Weekly meetings within a family can do the same.
Our family meeting is one of my favorite things we do as a together. It has dramatically improved our communication and connection. This weekly check-in is essential in building culture because it gives us an opportunity to see if we are spending our time and resources in a way that lines up with our family’s values. It also allows us to approach each week with a purpose.
What is a Family Business Meeting?
It’s a consistent time once a week when a family comes together to discuss the things that are important to them.
Family meeting will help you:
Solve problems. When we come together and talk about the issues we face, we are able to work together and find a solution.
Reduce stress. Stress, especially in children, can be created from uncertainty. Letting family members know what they can expect in the upcoming week, month, or season provides security, even if things don’t go as planned.
Build family togetherness. When family members have a consistent place for them to check in with one another, give and receive suggestions, and actively engage with one another they learn they are a part of something bigger than themselves.
Reinforce family culture and values. These meetings are an opportunity to revisit your mission statement and see if your schedule and decisions reflect your values.
Teach vital life skills. At a young age, your children will learn how to run a meeting, resolve conflicts, plan, and communicate effectively, both as you model it and them begin to do it themselves.
Much like the family retreat, you can begin holding these meetings when kids are old enough to sit for a short time and answer questions like, “Who do you want to have a playdate with?” “What do you want for dinner this week?” “What should we do when grandma and grandpa come over this weekend?”
When your kids are young, it is more about developing a rhythm of connection and communication as a family than the topics you discuss.
The length and topics of your meetings will change as your kids become capable of more in-depth discussion. Eventually, they can get involved. They can facilitate portions of the meeting and eventually direct your entire time together.
Tips for having a family business meeting:
Take the lead. Eventually, your kids can rotate into that role.
Be consistent. We recommend having a meeting once a week.
Schedule it. It is vital to put it on the calendar because it unlikely that you “find time” to do it.
Plan. Have an agenda or outline to keep your conversations on track. (Our Family Meeting Packet can help you with that.)
I encourage you to be flexible with these meetings. They’ll rarely be perfect. However, the more you do them, the more comfortable you all will get. Be patient with yourselves and others as you improve your communication.
No matter what your family meeting looks, they will reinforce your family culture, and keep you connected and informed as you live your values.
Interested in holding regular Family Meetings?
Save time in the planning by downloading our FREE Family Meeting Packet.
It includes:
Sample Agendas that you can use or mix and match to create your own.
Additional discussion topics
Meeting Agenda Suggestion Form for your family members to fill out in the days leading up to each meeting.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
How a Family Retreat will Benefit Your Family
Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions about promotions, pay raises, and layoffs.
This same type of review can be used in families to connect with one another and assess where you are individually and as a family.
Do you know how your family is really doing?
Many organizations hold yearly employee performance reviews. These evaluations reinforce what their managers expect in the workplace but also provide employers with information to use when making decisions about promotions, pay raises, and layoffs. Also, many organizations utilize the 360 peer review which is an assessment of interpersonal skills from an employee’s peers.
A few years back we decided to harness the power of these types of reviews in the workplace and see what they could do for our family. Since starting it three years ago, we have seen a tremendous amount of growth. We hold these “annual reviews” each year during our family retreat.
It’s a great way to get feedback that helps us grow as a family.
We asked our questions like:
What’s the one thing you like most about being apart of our family?
What’s the one thing you like least?
When do you feel the most loved?
What’s one thing Mom and Dad can do better?
The answers we received equipped us to parent with purpose.
Our family retreat consists of two to three days of connecting with another. We play games, mini-golf, and go swimming together, but we also have conversations that assess where we are individually and as a family. We use worksheets that were inspired by 360 peer reviews commonly used by organizations.
The benefits of having these retreats are:
It Increases Self-Awareness - When you receive feedback from multiple sources, you get a full view of yourself, one that is not one-sided and biased. This information gives us a sense of how others perceive us and how our behavior impacts those around us. This is vital for both parents and kids.
It Provides A Full Perspective of Strengths and Weaknesses - Our retreat worksheet touches on how we get along, are we courteous? Honest? Everyone gets to give their opinions, not just the parents, which produces a multi-dimensional perspective. We have a chance to cheer each other on and make suggestions on how they can improve.
It Builds Confidence and Boosts Morale - Dedicated time to give honest feedback allows family members to feel heard and as a result, they believe that what they say matters. This cultivates an atmosphere of openness. They can feel assured about how they can move towards their family values.
It Empowers Us. - As parents, we gain greater insight and understanding into our kids and can then come up with creative ways to parent them. Even siblings gain insight into who they each are and how they can interact with one another.
It Increases Accountability - As we have these discussions, we acquire language around behaviors and the expectations we have. This allows us to hold one another accountable to our values as well as encourage each other in our growth.
Fosters continuous improvement - Busyness can prevent growth. Annual retreats and mid-year check-ins remind us over and over again of who we are becoming and address the areas of our life that need attention.
To read more about our family’s first retreat check out my post Harnessing the Power of Peer Reviews for Your Next Family Retreat.
We started having our family retreats when our kids were 8,10, and 12, but I believe you can host them your kids are younger than ours were. You can start when your child old is able to have a conversation and give their opinion on things such as when do they feel most loved, what they like most about your family, and what they like least you can begin to do this.
The Family Retreat Packet we’ve created contains worksheets for kids 3rd grade and beyond, but you can customize your discussions for younger children. The packet also includes sample itineraries and activity that will save you time planning.
Here are a few suggestions we have:
Get Away - It is easier to focus on your activities and discussions when you are not at home.
Alternate family building discussions with activities and special treats.
Keep discussions to 25/30 minutes. Also, be mindful of the pace of our conversations. You may need to slow it down or speed it up if needed.
Research restaurants and activities in the area ahead of time.
Create a schedule and stick to it.
We were surprised excited, and cooperative our kids were at our fun, yet meaningful family retreat. They enjoyed spending time together and sharing what they were thinking and feeling with us. Year after year we continue to marvel at how articulate and open we all become during the discussions.
Full disclosure: It’s never perfect, but we do our best to be patient with the process.
Are you interested in hosting your own retreat?
We’ve taken the guesswork out planning yours by creating the Family Retreat Packet. It’s guaranteed to save you time!
Our Family Retreat Packet includes:
Sample Itinerary
Packing List
Activity Suggestions
Discussions Worksheets
and much more!
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
How to Make Great Friends
Why is making friends so hard sometimes? I went through a season of my life where I felt like I had no friends. I had great relationships growing up, in college, and even in my post-college single days. However, after I transitioned to a stay-at-home mom and moved to the suburbs, I looked around and realized I didn’t know anyone.
I eventually met other moms with whom I could chat on the playground or other settings, but it was always small talk, and I longed for deeper connections. I looked around at other groups of women talking and laughing together and assumed they must all be best friends. Surely, they were getting together without me. I thought, “Doesn’t anybody want to hang out with me?”
After reading a few good books and listening to several podcasts on the topic, I learned a few things about friendship. It was time not only to get busy making new friends but also to be intentional about growing the relationships I had. I was eager to teach my kids what I discovered, too, because relationships get harder as they get older and there are a few things they need to know. In the process, I learned to…
Join me over at FaithGateway.com to read the rest of “How to Make Great Friends”.
Do you find making friends hard sometimes?
After reading a few good books and listening to several podcasts on the topic, I learned a few things about friendship. It was time not only to get busy making new friends but also to be intentional about growing the relationships I had. I was eager to teach my kids what I discovered, too, because relationships get harder as they get older and there are a few things they need to know.
In the process, I learned to…
Join me over at FaithGateway.com to read the rest of “How to Make Great Friends”.
The Benefits of Journaling Especially for Kids
I’m amazed at the things I forget because I don’t write them down. I am not just talking about what I need to do on a particular day or week; I’m referring to beautiful things God has done in my life and the truth I have learned through spending time with Him. Thankfully, I have journaled over the years, and I’m able to go back through the pages and remind myself of the goodness of God. As I do this, my faith grows.
I’m amazed at the things I forget because I don’t write them down. I am not just talking about what I need to do on a particular day or week; I’m referring to beautiful things God has done in my life and the truth I have learned through spending time with Him. Thankfully, I have journaled over the years, and I’m able to go back through the pages and remind myself of the goodness of God. As I do this, my faith grows.
Join me over at Faith Gateway to learn about the other benefits of journaling and how you and your kids can get started with this life-changing practice. READ MORE...
How to Simplify your Summer
I love summer!
I have been known to drive my family crazy with my big expectations for what the summer months bring. In my mind, I have endless time and resources to do all the activities and things I want to accomplish . However, my reality is slightly different. By the time school starts, I’m usually disappointed. I have home projects left undone and a list of friends with whom I didn’t connect!
Have you ever had this problem? Join me over at FaithGateway.com to read what I'm doing differently this year.
I love summer!
I have been known to drive my family crazy with my big expectations for what the summer months bring. In my mind, I have endless time and resources to do all the activities and things I want to accomplish . However, my reality is slightly different. By the time school starts, I’m usually disappointed. I have home projects left undone and a list of friends with whom I didn’t connect!
Have you ever had this problem? Join me over at FaithGateway.com to read what I'm doing differently this year.
Children and Body Image: How to Help Them Stand Beautiful
Sometimes my kids struggle wishing they looked different. My oldest daughter doesn’t like that her thumbs are different lengths, my middle girl hates her curly hair, and my son wishes he was taller.
The lies they believe, ‘if only I looked like _____, I would be ______” vs. the truth that will set them free…
Sometimes my kids struggle wishing they looked different. My oldest daughter doesn’t like that her thumbs are different lengths, my middle girl hates her curly hair, and my son wishes he was taller.
The lies they believe, ‘if only I looked like _____, I would be ______” vs. the truth that will set them free…
Join me over at Faith Gateway to check out two amazing books by author Chloe Howard which will help teach our children that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.
How to Help Your Kids Crush Comparison
At a young age, kids start to compare themselves and place their value and worth in how they measure up to their peers. Comparison is rarely healthy, and most of the time leaves us feeling discouraged and insecure. Moreover, it robs our kids of joy and prevents them from embracing who God created them to be.
At a young age, kids start to compare themselves and place their value and worth in how they measure up to their peers. Comparison is rarely healthy, and most of the time leaves us feeling discouraged and insecure. Moreover, it robs our kids of joy and prevents them from embracing who God created them to be.
I am over at Faith Gateway sharing a few ways as parents we can help our children avoid the trap of comparison. Join me there...
Unstoppable Me
Recently one of my kids faced a difficult situation. They were trying something new, and while they was enthusiastic about it at first, they began to be filled with fear as the day approached. I tried to convince them that everything was going to be okay but they didn’t believe me.
I sympathized with them and it broke my heart to see them want to give up. I remembered the words of my friend, “Now we are going to find out what you are made of!”
I knew if I let my kids quit it would only get harder for them to face her fears and do uncomfortable things. They needed to experience what it was like to meet something hard and push through it. If they didn’t, they’d get stuck and wouldn’t grow emotionally.
I second-guessed my decision numerous times that day but in the end I knew I made the right decision. It wasn’t easy, but my sweet child survived and is better for it.
The full story join me over at @FaithGateway for “The Courage to Be Unstoppable”.
Recently one of my kids faced a difficult situation. They were trying something new, and while they were enthusiastic about it at first, they began to be filled with fear as the day approached. I tried to convince them that everything was going to be okay but they didn’t believe me.
I sympathized with them and it broke my heart to see them want to give up. I remembered the words of my friend, “Now we are going to find out what you are made of!”
I knew if I let my kids quit it would only get harder for them to face her fears and do uncomfortable things. They needed to experience what it was like to meet something hard and push through it. If they didn’t, they’d get stuck and wouldn’t grow emotionally.
I second-guessed my decision numerous times that day but in the end I knew I made the right decision. It wasn’t easy, but my sweet child survived and is better for it.
For the full story join me over at @FaithGateway for “The Courage to Be Unstoppable”.
How Words Shape Your Family Culture
The contributing factors in a culture are vision, values and beliefs, and practices which include language. That’s why words matter when it comes to building your family culture They inform the way we think and interact with the world plus foster a sense of unity and membership.
In my last few blog posts I have been writing about practices. I’ve talked about both value practices and culture practices.
Practices, the things your family does and says in the everyday, are behaviors that convert ideas to actions to create and maintain culture.
These practices fall into two categories:
Internal – What takes place within your family.
External – How your family interacts with outsiders.
Let’s take a moment to compare practice within organizations and families.
In an organization, practices include, job titles, how work is organized, recruitment, training and development; performance management; internal communications; and technology. The external practices include how you relate to customers, suppliers, and vendors plus the products and services that you offer.
Practices within a family include the routines and rhythms of your home. How you will operate in any given day or situation. How you will use technology. How you will relate to one another which includes the language we use.
Words matter in the culture building process.
We know from the Bible that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov. 18:21). Words have the ability to produce positive or negative consequences (v. 20). They have the power to give life through encouragement and honesty or to crush and kill through lies and gossip.
Both the language you choose to use and choose not to use impacts your family culture. <<Click to Tweet
Language informs the way we think and interact with the world. When you say something over and over again you will eventually believe it and your actions will follow. This includes daily sentiments, conversations and values you share with your spouse and children. Not only that but, what we say, to a considerable degree, determines what others think, and what therefore act.
An example of this is Horst Schulze of Ritz-Carlton, shaped his employee’s decorum and conduct with the phrase “We’re ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen.” And Rudy Giuliani, when he was working to build a better New York, said that “People created the problem so people can fix it,”.
The level of service is elevated at the Ritz-Carlton because it’s employees are reminded regularly that just because they have service jobs does not mean that they are less than the people they serve. In New York people were empowered because of simple words that reassured them they could fix the problems they were facing.
These phrases weren’t said just once or twice but over and over again.
Language also fosters a sense of unity and membership. We see this in business and in organizations as growing numbers of people are working remotely. A company's unique dialect, acronyms, jargon, slang, inside jokes, and abbreviations in their communication that creates community and builds culture not proximity.
Sometimes when my husband comes home from work and tell me about his day I feel like he is speaking a different language simple because I am not in the finance field. He using acronyms for programs they use and reports they run that I can’t quite remember even after all these years. When he talks with colleagues they get it, no explanations needed.
On the other hand my kids know exactly what I mean when I refer to “the rules” because together we read The Essential 55 by Ron Clark, which covers basic everyday etiquette rules we are practicing. When I ask the kids if they want to snuggle in the evening they know it means, “Do you want to come into my room and read a book together before bed?” Also, obscure references to Dr. Who are like an inside joke to us because we binge watched the first 8 seasons of the show together. Certain words and phrases connect us.
Here are some examples of words that shape people in the workplace, in family, and personally:
Business:
I read about one company that doesn’t allow their employees to say “I’m sorry”. They felt that skipping over sorries forced them to seek solutions faster. Rather than apologizing for being late with a report or miscommunicating a client request, they would go straight to, “How can I fix this?”. This kind of language turned problems into progress. Over time this language fostered critical thinking, problem-solving, and ownership of our work.
Family:
We’ve mentioned this example before: When our family hosts a connect group As we talk about, plan and prepare for the evening, we say, “we host” vs. “Mommy and Daddy hosts.”
We are also ridding our home of the following:
“I deserve ____________.” “That’s dumb! I wouldn’t have done that.”
We are also working on avoiding “Why?” questions. “Why” questions put a person on the defensive and encourage intimidating analytical thinking.
Personal:
Jess Lively, a popular podcaster, says she is careful not to “should” all over herself. Should creates an expectation that implies punishment or that she should feel bad about herself if she doesn't do it. Expressions like, “I should go for a run, or I should eat a salad.” are better said as, “I have a choice to go for a run”, or “I want to eat a salad”. It’s a subtle shift that eliminates guilt and disapproval for ourselves. You can find that episode here.
You can begin to figure out what word you want you use in your home with these simple questions.
Reflect on your childhood, what are the expressions that made you feel bad? What are the expressions that encouraged you and brought you to life?
Write down the legacy phrases that float through your family. Are they healthy? Do they need erasing?
Write down the various phrases and expressions you use regularly. Look them over, and ask yourself what feelings do they invoke? What behaviors do you think your family members will take on when they hear them?
Communication is a skill and like most things it take practice to do it well.
The language you use will most certainly change due to trial and error. Carl and I are still working what language is acceptable and what is not. The more we learn about the power of words and hear what does and doesn’t work for others the easier it will be to refine our the words we will and will not use.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click to play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.
Be sure to subscribe to the show in iTunes or your favorite podcast app so you never miss an episode.
Everything is Better with a Friend
My kids gave me a long list of things they want to do once school gets out.
The list included going to the zoo, the park, museums, and the beach. They would like to make crafts, host play dates, and have sleepovers with their friends. These activities all sounds fun. However, I honestly don’t look forward to most of it. At least not with just them. I know that sounds awful but let me explain.
I love spending time with my little ones. The things we do together are super fun; there is plenty of laughter, joy, and teachable moments. But being with another mom and her little ones makes everything so much more fun.
My kids gave me a long list of things they want to do once school gets out.
The list included going to the zoo, the park, museums, and the beach. They would like to make crafts, host play dates, and have sleepovers with their friends. These activities all sounds fun. However, I honestly don’t look forward to most of it. At least not with just them. I know that sounds awful but let me explain.
I love spending time with my little ones. The things we do together are super fun; there is plenty of laughter, joy, and teachable moments. But being with another mom and her little ones makes everything so much more fun.
Meet me over at Faith Gateway to read more!
Incorporating Your Passions into Your Everyday
When I first started working with my life coach I thought I was way too busy to pursue the things that were important to me. I had a long list of reason why I wasn’t writing more, connecting with my husband regularly, or deepening my friendships.
I assumed I had a time issue. But what I really had was a priority issue. I said over and over that these things mattered to me however they weren’t showing up in my schedule.
We are all passionate about something, but few of us can say that those passions are a part of our lives. Long work hours, a new addition to the family, or busyness may cause us to feel like it’s impossible to follow our passions. However, with careful thought and intention, you can incorporate them into your life.
When I first started working with my life coach, I thought I was way too busy to pursue the things that were important to me. I had a long list of reasons why I wasn’t writing more, connecting with my husband regularly, or deepening my friendships. I assumed I had a time issue. But what I had was a priority issue.
I said over and over that these things mattered to me; however, they weren’t showing up in my schedule.
When I made a list of my non-negotiables, my values, what I was passionate about, and the things I wanted my family to be known for, I had a clear picture of how I wanted to use my time. These things became appointments in my day, not just for when it was easy, or when I had extra time or money. It took a bit of practice, but eventually, I started to live the life I wanted.
It's possible to change your life and the life of your family through small, consistent steps over time; steps the take you in the direction of the family we were meant to be. << Click to Tweet
3 Examples
When I first started to take back control of my time, I wanted to connect more with my kids, and reading seemed like the best way to do that. However, when my kids got older, our bedtime routine changed. We no longer read board books together before I tucked them in. Hoping it would happen organically didn't work. The solution was to put it on my schedule. So I:
Pick one book with each kid.
Chose one night a week to read with a child.
Put it on my calendar and stick to it, even if I have to move things around to make it work
Carl and I are passionate about having people in our home. We want to be the place where family members, neighbors, and especially our kids and their friends want to be. A place where they would come and feel nourished - spirit, soul, and body. This type of atmosphere built with intention. We decided to do that we would:
Say yes when our kids ask to have friends over.
Budget money for extra food playdates.
Purchase outdoor and indoor games that would provide hours of fun, such as a badminton set, Foosball table, Rummikub, and Uno
Keep a tidy house, always ready for impromptu get-togethers.
My husband and I are also passionate about travel and exposing our kids to experiences that would allow them to learn in creative ways. To make that a reality in our life, we had to:
Decide what travel looks like for us in this season. Maybe it’s one big vacation and two long weekends a year, with a few day trips sprinkled in between.
Budget money so that we could take the trips we wanted. Also, be creative with where we stay, how we get there, and what we do so that we can afford it.
Say no to things that would prevent us from saving money for those trips.
Plan ahead. Be proactive instead of reactive, not waiting until we are exhausted and need a break to get away.
Just like you can turn your values into practices, you can turn your passions into practice too!
Here’s how:
1. Create a list of the things you are passionate about. If you need some help discovering what those things are, READ THIS or download The Family Culture Discussion sheet.
2. Envision what your life would look like if you were following your passions and living your best life.
3. Brainstorm about what that means practically for your family. What might you have to say no to say yes to what matters to you? What are the small steps you can take to follow your passions? Where can you schedule your non-negotiables?
Making what matters to you most a part of your life takes practice. Old habits need to be broken, and new ones made. I have found keeping a list of my non-negotiables, my values, my passions, and what I want my family to be known handy so I can check it often when making plans for my week, month, and year.
Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.