Summer Reading: Tweens and Teen Girls

It feels like just yesterday that I dropped my daughter off at Kindergarten. As she walked into her classroom with hesitation, my eyes filled with tears. I wondered how she would do in this new environment with strangers. I worried that my shy little girl would have trouble making friends.

I find myself thinking of this as I prepare her for middle school. She has come so far since that first day of school but it doesn’t keep me from wondering if she is ready to navigate the next few years. It’s as if overnight, the game has changed and the stakes are higher than they were in elementary school. Her body is starting to develop, relationships have become more complicated, and the pressure to perform academically has increased.

The older my daughter gets, the more choices she’ll make on her own and I want to prepare her. There are a few things I want her to have as she heads into these years and I am grateful that there are resources to help.

Head over to Faith Gateway and see what books we will be binge reading over the summer as we prepare for the new season that she is entering.

How to Make the Most of Summer

I love the summer. And as the days get warmer, I start to build lists and create expectations for the months ahead will bring. In my mind, I have endless time and resources to do what I want to do. However, my reality is slightly different than what I have conjured up in my head. September 1st rolls around and home projects are left undone, bucket lists incomplete, and I have a list of friends I never connected with.

I hope to change that this year. I am going to:

• Be intentional with my time. Work hard and play hard.

• Learn from past mistakes and make a plan.

• Lower my expectations of what is possible.

I want to look back on my summer with pleasant memories that are not tainted by disappointment.

Here are some suggestions for how to make the most of the summer:

DON’T

Volunteer for everything.

INSTEAD

Consider your values before taking on anything new this summer. During the school year, I chair a committee that lines up with my family's values. As a result, I can confidently surrender the need to say ‘yes’ to everything else throughout the school year. The summer is no different.

DON”T

Create the perfect summer bucket list and schedule every activity on it.

INSTEAD

Consider an alternative to the Summer Bucket list. Choose a few activities or maybe even just one to focus on each month. Ideas include:

• Buy a snow cone machine and syrup have friends over on Frozen Fridays.

• Host a Summer Movie Series in your backyard. Choose four movies and four dates. Let friends know the details, tell them to bring a blanket or lawn chair. Set up a video projector and screen. Provide popcorn, drinks, and glow sticks.

• Investigate the best ice cream shops in your area and once a week try a new one. Rate each one and share your reviews with friends.

• Set up a backyard game that's available to play when the mood strikes.

DON’T

Reorganize your basement...and your attic...and your garage.

INSTEAD

Pick one job and tackle it with excellence. If you have projects that must get done:

• Save smaller jobs for rainy days

• Break up the larger ones into multiple days using small pockets of time consistently.

• Enlist the help of all family members so the jobs get done faster.

DON”T

Demand your kids do tons of school work and track their time with charts and graphs.

INSTEAD

Find fun ways to learn. Summer slide is a real thing, but I’ve failed numerous times at having my kids complete the grade-specific workbooks. What’s worked for us:

• Read, read, read. By the pool, at the beach, or snuggling on a rainy day.

• Listen to audiobooks on the go.

• Attend free programs at the library such as author visits, scavenger hunts, and game days.

• Participate in an online program such as Brain Chase. It combines school work with a real live treasure hunt. (This one saved me big time by keeping track of what my kids were doing so I didn’t have to.)

DON”T

Feel guilty about not giving your kids the time of their life.

INSTEAD

Appreciate the simple joys of summer.

• Be a tourist in your area, plan a few day trips.

• Take regular walks together.

• Eat your meals outside.

DON’T

Throw all your routines out the door.

INSTEAD

Make appointments for the things that matter to you but leave margin in your day for impromptu gatherings or outings.

DON’T

Be so focused on the WHAT of summer that you forget the WHO.

INSTEAD

Focus on connecting with others. You will experience a more fulfilling summer when you make the people in your life a priority.

• Put down your smartphone and have a conversation with your neighbor or the person sitting next to you at the pool.

• Invite your child’s friend’s parents over so you can finally get to know them.

• Call a friend to see how they are doing. Summer can be a lonely time for some as school volunteering, sports, and the other commitments that allowed you to see them comes to a halt.

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My friend and life coach Elise Daly Parker offers a challenge for us:

Using a timer, take 10 minutes and dump your summer to-do list on a piece of paper. Then choose your top 3 priorities and make those your goals in the area of home, entertainment, and family for this upcoming summer.

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Looking for more on Summer? Here are some other posts on this topic:

• 5 Feelings Every Mom Goes Through During The Summer And How To Cope by Carey Bailey

• 6 Ways to Survive the Summer Juggle by Diana Jones for Circles of Faith

• You Lied, Summer. You Lied! By Noelle Rhodes for Circles of Faith

Episode 46 Summer Dos and Don'ts

Building on the conversation we have last June on the podcast, Elise, Noelle, and I have gathered to talk about what we have learned in summers past and how to make the most of the summer this year.

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A Letter to My Summer Self on How to Get it Right This Year

This time last year on the podcast we talked about having realistic summer expectations. While the sound quality wasn’t great (it was one of our first shows) the content was. I managed to get a thing or two right last summer but failed in many other ways too.

If I were to write a letter to my summer self, based on my experience last year, it would go something like this.

Listen to your own advice! Lower your expectations of how much work, writing, and home organization you can get done. The summer will not be a total waste! But be realistic about what you are capable. Most things you want to do, you don’t do well in the cracks. Plan to do work when your kids are in camp or out with friends. Be intentional about how you use those morning hours before the kids get up too. You might have another hour or so once they’re awake to finish something but for the most part, they want your attention. Maximize your time together. Later in the early evening, when they head outside and connect with friends you’ll have some extra time.

Oh, and that first week the kids are off of school, you can not continue to do business as usual. If you try to do things as if nothing’s changed, you will be frustrated. Trust God with your time and effort and ask Him to multiply it.  

Maintain your non-negotiables; they’ll anchor your days and weeks. And be careful to make choices that are rooted in your values. The decisions you make do not need to be the same as other moms. Fight comparison and do YOU well.

Raise your expectations of connecting with your kids. They still want to do things with you. Schedule your day trips ahead of time. Don’t be afraid to ask friends to join you. Yes, people are busy during the summer, but I bet there’s another mom who’d love to tag along with her kids.

Don’t be afraid to get your hair wet. Go in the pool, have a water balloon fight, or run through the sprinkler with thyour kids. Those are the times they will remember, not how beautifully straight your hair looked as you sat in the shade and watched them play.

Don’t spend so much time focusing on the WHAT of summer that miss out on the WHO of summer. Visit the grandparents. They will love it, and you won’t have to cook! They live close, so you don’t have an excuse.

School and sports make it easy to connect with others. That all goes away for two months, so you’ll need to be intentional if you want to see people. As an extrovert, this will be essential to your well being.

Sabbaths are still a gift in July and August. Even if you’re having fun with your kids at the beach or at the pool, you are still mothering. And mothering takes work and patience and unconditional love. You’re keeping them safe, meeting their needs, and shaping their character. Create a rhythm of rest that allows you to take a break from this and connect with God but also pursue the things that feed your soul. Don’t feel guilty. You are a better woman, wife, and mother when you do.

You will not have the perfect summer, and that is okay. There will be days when things don’t go as planned, but there will also be ones that exceed your expectation. You can’t control your children’s behavior when they tired, hot, and hungry but with God’s grace, you can control yours.

The only thing you can count on over the next couple of months is that God cares about that little girl inside you that can’t wait for summer and hopes that it will be the “best ever.” He cares about your days and will watch over them and guide you if you let Him.  

This letter will come in handy over the next few months as I make choices that shape our summer.

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Try this!

Write a letter to your summer self with some advice on how to navigate the upcoming months well.  
Think back to last summer. What were some of the highs and lows?  Are there things you loved? Remind yourself what they were, so you can do them again. Are there some days that disappointed you? Think of ways to do them differently this year.

An Alternative to the Summer Bucket List

I absolutely adore summer bucket lists. In fact, I've created a whole Pinterest board dedicated to my favorite ones. Each summer I download a bunch of lists, pick a few items that appeal to me from each, and combined them to create my own.

Our family has been moderately successful at checking things off the list. In the past, we start off strong and fade as August approaches. Then I spend the week before school starts cramming in as many things as I can.

Like most goals without a plan, very little gets accomplished. So I do my best to schedule movie nights, beach days, and museum trips before the summer begins.

Our summer bucket list is only meant to serve as a reminder to be intentional about the ways we spend time together. 

If I get to the end of the summer and I haven’t checked off enough things off the list I’m disappointed. However, I am too hard on myself because regardless, we still had a great summer.

This year we’re trying something new. Instead of a summer bucket list, filled individual things we want to do, we created a list of summer project list. The key to making these ideas stick is getting the kids involved. They came up with the ideas and together we brainstormed to determine what each would look like.

Intentional living isn't just for grownups

Ice Cream Sundays

Instead of the typical Make Homemade Ice Cream, we have designated Sundays as Ice Cream Sundays.  Each week, one child will choose a recipe, make a list of ingredients, freeze the ice cream maker core, and prepare the recipe on Sunday afternoon. My daughter will share the recipes we have chosen on her blog.

Why I love this: It teaches responsibility as they follow through on a task, from beginning to end. It allows them to serve their family. I am anticipating we’ll be inviting friends over to help us eat some of the ice cream, so they’ll be able to practice hospitality as well.

Summer Backyard Movie Series

Another common bucket list each summer is Movie Night. Building on this idea, we created a Summer Movie Series. We have chosen three dates and three movies. My kids helped me make a flyer that can be sent to friends letting them know, if weather permits, they are welcome to join us to watch a movie in our backyard. We’ll provide popcorn, drinks, and glow sticks. All they need to do is show up with a blanket or lawn chair.

Why I love this: Text and emails are the easy ways to get the word out about an event. Instead, we are using our creativity and design skills to create a flyer that we can give to friends. Sometimes we say we are going to do something but never get around to it. Inviting people over with designated dates provides accountability.

Geocaching

Geocaching is a real-world, outdoor treasure hunt using a GPS device. You navigate to a specific set of coordinates to find the geocache (container) hidden at a specific location. There are millions of hidden containers scattered throughout more than 185 countries, waiting to be found—you’ll be surprised to find out there are some near you right now. Common Summer Bucket List items, such as picnics, biking, and treasure hunt, can all be combined in this activity.

The Geocaching App By Groundspeak Inc. shows you the locations of caches and the paid membership has additional features such as advanced search tools and offline use.

We decided to get the upgrade. In order to get our money's worth, we are planning at least 3 excursions to local parks. Each of my kiddos will choose one location. They also decided to hide our own geocache for others to find.

Why I love this: The kids work together to find the geocaches so it promotes teamwork. Since the kids will be responsible for picking the locations and dates, it will require research and decision making.

These three projects alone be enough to keep us busy in between camps and lazy days at the pool. We will still have a mini-bucket list which will includes visit a museum, visit a sculpture garden, go to the beach, go to an outdoor concert, sleep in a tent, play croquet, play tennis, volunteer in the community. However, we will be more focused on following through on our projects than on out list.