How to Help Your Kids Set Goals

I don't know about you, but I am thrilled to say goodbye to 2020 and welcome 2021. 

If you listened to my recent podcasts, you know that there is a difference between setting goals (which many of us do this time of year) and creating habits and routines. 

Both will help your family get you from where you are to where you want to be.

Goals aren't just for kids; they are for grownups too! We can teach our kids how to set goals to cultivate the life, education, and growth they want. As we teach our kids to set and follow through on a plan, we give them a skill they'll need to help them succeed.

Whether your child's goal is to read more books, work out and exercise more, or grow academically, it's necessary to assess where you are at, determine where you want to go, and create simple steps that can take you there.

(We did this activity as a family, and it was so fun!)

Here's how to help your kids set goals.

1. Assess where you are right now.

   It's vital to determine where you are right now to figure out where you want to be. 

   Ask your child how they feel about their life in each of these categories. Have them rate them on a scale of 1 to 10.

   Friendships

   Family Relationships,

   Spiritual and personal growth

   Play,

   Money,

   Fitness

   School Work

   1 means they are not satisfied and want to see radical change, and 10 indicates they are happy and wouldn't change a thing. They can write on a notepad or use this assessment sheet. 

2. Once complete, ask them to write a few sentences about why they feel this way. Even if your kids are young, they will have something to say. Kids are great at being honest and telling you like it is. 

3. Share what you wrote. If doing this exercise as a family, you can take turns sharing each category or going one by one and sharing all the categories.

   (I go in-depth about the assessment process HERE.)

4. Now, set the assessments aside and plan another time to follow up. 

5. When you are ready to meet again, grab the assessment sheet, and have each person answer the question, "What would a 10 looks like in this category?" There are no wrong answers. Encourage your child to write down whatever comes to mind. 

6. Share these answers. 

   While talking about it, choose one action in each category to get you close to a 10 rating. Pick only one because if you focus too many things, thing-you're less likely to follow through, and it can be overwhelming.

7. Decide when and how you do your simple step. Based on your answers determine, When will I do these things? 

   Is it daily? 

   Is it weekly? 

   Monthly? 

   What specific days and times will you do this? 

   This process is similar to setting non-negotiables, which I talked about in THIS podcast episode. 

8. Write down the steps. You can put them on the calendar or create a spreadsheet to help your kids track their progress. Visual reminders help us understand when and how often we should do something to meet a goal. This step allows your kids to make and keep appointments with themselves, just like they would a friend.

9. Follow through. As parents, we can come alongside our kids and be their coach. We help them to be consistent by reminding them and checking in to see how they're doing.

The key to leaving behind good intentions and accomplishing what matters to you is to designate a time each day to do them, even if it is not the same each day.

Consistency is the key. However, we can teach our kids not to get discouraged if they don't execute their steps perfectly. It's not about doing it "right"; it's about cultivating persistence and intention. (Great character traits to have.)

The ability to create and follow through on a plan will set your kids up for success in the future! Remember this. It's the WHY that will propel you forward if this process takes a little time to master. 

Why You Should Assess Where Your Family Culture is Now

Change starts with awareness. This is true in every area of life, including family culture!

As I mentioned in a previous post, there was a time when our busy schedule created a culture of survival in our family. We’d often say to one another, “Let’s just get through this week.” After we got through one week, there was still another that wasn’t much different from the one before. One week turned into a month; a month turned into a year. Frantic was no longer the exception, it was our norm.

At the time I was volunteering for everything, because as a stay at home mom, I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. We lacked community and were scattered in different directions, doing our own thing.

To make a change we had to be honest with ourselves about where we were and how we felt about the life we were living. At first this step made me uncomfortable. I already knew we needed a change. I wanted a quick fix, and I didn’t want this to slow us down.

But, at the end of asking ourselves the hard question, “How are we really doing?, we discovered common threads in our choices. We were thrilled with the areas of our life we built with intention and unhappy in the places where ‘no decision’ became the decision, and where “let’s see what happens” guided us.

In order to successfully move forward in the family culture building process, it's important to know where you are starting from. << Tweet This!

Keep in mind; you don't have to be failing miserably in any one area for this to be worth doing. The assessment stage simply reveals if you’ll need to take significant steps to get you where you want to be, or if you just need to make a few tweaks.

If you are married, it is ideal to do this activity with your spouse. However, I know that’s not always possible. I want to encourage you to do this work anyway. Whether you are a single parent or have a partner that’s not on board with this, you can still have a significant impact on your family through small intentional steps that are anchored in what matters to you.

Here are the steps that you can take:

• Pray – Invite God into the process.

• Assess - Give each of the areas of your family life a rating between 1 and 10, along with a few thoughts on why you chose that number.

Categories are:

– Community/Friendships

– Family Relationships (spouse, immediate family, and extended family)

– Spiritual + Personal Growth

– Recreation

1 means you are not satisfied in this area and want to see radical change. 10 indicates you are happy with where you are and can’t imagine things being any different.

Feel free to create additional categories!

• Write down your answers. - I highly recommend this. In my experience, this really allows me to think deeply and explore what comes to mind. Plus it serves as a reference when you start building and implementing culture. I also love that you can look back at what you’ve written to remind yourself how far you’ve come.

You can do this activity on any piece of paper; however, I have created a handy guide to walk you through the process. You can download it for free in the show notes of episode 03 of The Family Culture Project.

• Sit with your answers. - Don’t try to explain them away or change them immediately. Consider the circumstances or choices that got you where you are. And absolutely, don’t get stuck in the negative, be mindful of the good in each area!!

Your next steps will be easier to decide after you’ve done this.

Once my husband and I examined and shared where we were in each area, we were better equipped to talk about what we wanted for our family, which ultimately set us up for success in the culture building process. Doing it as a couple, helped us to know and understand each other’s perspective better.

How is your family doing? You can leave your response in the comment or email me. I am here to cheer you on.

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Prefer the ease of listening to reading? No problem! Just click play to hear this episode of The Family Culture Project.

Change starts with awareness. This is true in every area of your life. Your Family’s Culture is no different! In order to successfully leap forward in the family culture building process it’s best to know where you are starting from.

Need help with the assessment process? There is an incredible resource in the show notes you don't want to miss!

How Specificity Can Improve Your Life

Have you ever set a goal that you didn't reach?

Do you want to change something in your life but can't seem to make it happen? Do even your best attempts get mediocre results?

One of the most common but overlooked pitfalls in losing weight, starting a business, or achieving goals is not being specific about what you want and lacking a detailed plan on how you will get there.

Back in 2012, I ran a half marathon. When I signed up, I barely called myself a runner, so the thought of running 13.1 miles seemed crazy. I downloaded the Runner's World app and plugged in my race date. It created a detailed training plan of how often and far I had to run. If I wanted to finish that race, I had to follow that plan. I couldn't just run occasionally and for random distances. 

Running that race was possible because I set a concrete goal and followed a particular plan.

Setting specific goals doesn't just apply to fitness. It can benefit all areas of life.

Here are some categories specificity will improve your life.

• Faith - Well-defined prayer leads to a well-defined faith. When I am specific in my prayers, I can be more attuned to when God shows up and answers them. What are you praying for? Be specific. Who, what, when, where? What promises in the Word of God are you applying to your situation?

• Life - When taking on projects every day, I like to start with SMART goals. The acronym SMART stands for: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. For example, one project that has been on my to-do list for a long time is organizing my photos so I can put them into albums. I love taking pictures, but many go unseen because they stay on my computer. I want to curate a "yearbook" and give each of my kids a copy. While it's a big project, I know that once I complete it, future years will be easy to create. I will likely not "find time" to work on it, so I'll need to decide when I want it done, how often I will work on it, and how often to accomplish this.

• Community - After transitioning to a stay-at-home mom and moving to the burbs, I became lonely because I no longer had a "crew." Once I determined what kind of friends I wanted, I could find them. Not only that, but once I identified what I was looking for, I could appreciate the relationships I already had. Who are the people I want in my life? Other writers, other moms, other women of faith? How do I get those people in my life?

Being specific in these areas of your life does not mean that you have to be rigid. You can still be flexible or spontaneous within your particular ideas. However, knowing precisely what you want and having a plan to achieve it increases the likelihood of success and eliminates emotional decision-making throughout the process.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself that will lead you to achieve your goals.

1. What is the goal? Don't be afraid to sit with this and consider what you need or want. Keep it simple and check that it is rooted in your values.

2. How do you know when you have achieved it? When a goal is measurable, there's less guesswork involved in reaching it. When a plan is defined, you can track your progress. You will be motivated to keep going as you advance towards your goal.

3. What's the plan? Small, simple steps taken over time will take you further than a handful of big ones. Set dates and be realistic about the time it will take.

4. How will you celebrate? Don't let your achievements, answers to prayer, or the growth you've experienced go unnoticed.

Start with one or two goals, and you can add more as you progress in those through consistency.

You can achieve your goals in your faith, life, and community when you get specific about what you want.

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For more on the topic listen to:

Episode 59 How Specificity Improves Your Life

Join Elise Daly Parker, Kimberly Coyle and I as we examine why we often get mediocre results and give you some questions you can ask yourself to get you moving in the right direction.